I am a creature of habit and, as such, I have a deep aversion to uncertainty. I like my routines, I live by my calendar, and I feel tremendous comfort in having a sense of what the days and often months ahead will look like.
The truth is, even when we’re not living in the midst of a global pandemic, uncertainty is always present and even more so for those who live with severe health challenges or experience financial instability. Now, all of that is heightened and it feels like we can’t predict much of anything in the future, from whether we’ll be able to take a vacation we planned to whether we’ll still have a job or whether our loved ones will be safe and healthy. It’s terrifying, to say the least.
Still, we continue to live with uncertainty and for some of us, now may be a time to invest more energy and focus into what that looks like than we had before. To me, this means both challenging myself to get more comfortable with the unknown and see what opportunities it holds, while still acknowledging the profound fear and pain that come with it.
For the last few weeks, I pushed myself to maintain some semblance of a “normal” work day. It seemed like countless articles were extolling the value of making routines and sticking to them. I wanted this to work for me, but I found myself struggling. No routine made it feel like a normal work day. And though I’m accustomed to working from home, increased screen time was taking a toll on my physical and mental wellbeing. I would finish the day with the sense that I’d forced a “regular” workday but failed to actually do anything.
Part of living with uncertainty for me has meant letting go of this attachment to routine. I am working hard to allow myself, when possible, to respond to where my energy is and adjust accordingly. I am working hard to push through feelings of shame when I just need to rest or get fresh air and leave work to the side. I know this is a privilege that many do not have right now and I am immensely grateful that it is even an option. I also know that this shift is critical for me to move through this time and hopefully be helpful to others along the way.
If you’re interested in what uncertainty means for you, what it might look like to move through it with supportive tools, and want to do so in a community setting, I will be co-facilitating Exploring Uncertainty Together, Apart on Wednesday May 13th and Wednesday May 27th, from 6:30-8pm ET. This is a 2-part virtual workshop that will provide an intimate and interactive space to reflect on this topic with others and, hopefully, leave you with greater confidence in facing uncertainty in your life, personally and professionally. I really hope to see you there.
Whether or not you can join, I hope you all find ways to sit with the challenges of uncertainty while still finding opportunities within it. And I hope there’s comfort in knowing that so many of us are on that journey too.